how much am I worth ... another thorn extraction

As of late, and you might have noticed, I've been fairly consumed with the business side of things.  I've got stacks of books and downloaded programs and free pdf's, reams of would-be inspiration, sage advice and the promise of innovative thinking.  I'm always on the lookout for the next best, shiny thing ... this one's gonna help ... for sure!  Some of it has been quite helpful, some not so much.  A lot of it is follow through or the lack thereof.  I hear repeatedly and know, really I do know, that the answers are in me.  But I'm just flat out tired of trying to figure it all out on my own ... hence all those stacks of worksheets and programs with potentially innovative thinking.   

The thing about being a solo entrepreneur ... is that I'm a solo entrepreneur.  It's always been me, all me, all by my little own self.  With the exception of a one week silversmithing class, I'm self taught.  I do everything ... graphics - all my business cards and product info and catalogs and photography, copy writing, websites, shopping carts, accounting, designing and making.  And with ever changing technology and the entire paradigm for doing business in flux, it's making me a bit crazy. 

I had recently been considering a multi-week program that was $1000.  The fact that I was even considering that is kind of a big deal.  I just don't invest in my business ... why pay someone else when I know I can figure it out on my own ...  I'm a hardcore DIY girl ... always and forever.  Or not ... those reams of paper would certainly beg to differ.  I finally decided the program wasn't really what I needed. 

Then I started following Marie Forleo's new B-School pre-launch video series ... good content in the videos and I really liked the accompanying worksheets.  So when the big pitch video came, I was dying to know ... how much is this bad boy gonna be?  Of course, I skipped right to the sign-up page to see and when I read the $1999 price tag - no surprise that my knee-jerk reaction and the first words I thought were, "No f'in way ... no wonder she's a millionaire."

So, on Tuesday, I got to thinking about B-School again.  Why couldn't I spend 2 grand if it would really help my business?  We invest in Dave's education, why not invest in me and my business?  Yesterday Dave and I sat down to watch the pitch video together.  We talked about the pros and cons, whether it would be a good fit for me, it covers a few things that I do pretty well - is that time well spent, how would I feel about being in among the hoards (how many hundreds enrolled) - groups are not one of my strong points, how did I feel about the much younger perky thrust of the whole thing?  Add in that I'm not known for doing well when someone tells me this is THE way to do something - I tend to do my best to prove them wrong.  

As our discussion continued, here's where the thorn started to poke through.  Why haven't I invested in me and my business?  A few years ago, Dave's mom offered to do just that.  The very idea that anyone would want to invest in ME ... I wept.  I didn't take her up on it ... remember I'm a hardcore DIY girl ... but just knowing it was an option was huge.  Turns out, it's still a big deal.  Remembering and talking about that yesterday, tears again, relating yesterday's events to a friend this morning, tears again.  You know, I think I might have some self-worth issues ... ya think?    

So what we decided ... yes I am worthy of the investment.  Golly, it makes me lightheaded and my eyes cross just writing that ... okay, deep breaths.  Maybe B-School is not the best fit for me.  Don't try to force my octagonal self into that round hole.  Maybe it would be better to look for a coach or consultant to work one-on-one and address my specific needs.   

What I'm asking myself right now ... What do I really want help with?  How am I going to approach my search?  If a coach has the right experience, does age matter?  Do I set limits ... for spending, for time?  Questions, yes, I need to ask myself lots of questions. 

I'm definitely feeling a bit different.  That tightness surrounding my self-worth image is lessening.  Now that I'm acknowledging and breathing into my worthiness and giving it light and new life, the answers will come.  I am worth every cent I choose to invest and more.  I am, yes indeed, I certainly am.

l i g a - kvk