extracting a long buried thorn

A couple of days after my last post, my emotional pendulum took a wild swing to the dark side and it's been an enlightening trip back to this morning's ... well yes, I'm going to say it ... epiphany.

I can't really remember how it started, but here's how I wrote about it in mid-swing ...

"Looking back at so many painful memories from adolescence ... feelings of being supremely uncool, a misfit.  For so many years, an underlying desire to achieve fame and fortune solely as a 'f-u' to everyone who dissed me in school - seems to be a pretty common motivation.  I grew up feeling surrounded by thwarted potential, that mediocrity had been forced onto me along with a suffocating sense of lack, there was never enough.

But in drawing the line in the sand and resolving to create a new life paradigm, that old thorn began to irritate, age old pain flaring up.  The pain has brought the thorn to the surface.  While still sore and slightly inflamed, the tip is now exposed, primed for extraction.  It is right and it is time for all those painful memories to lose their edge.  Time for the inflammation to be lanced, the wound flayed open to be bathed in healing light and love."

The need for forgiveness has been the underlying theme.  Over the last couple of weeks I've felt the tension easing, those ancient wounds starting to heal.  But it's felt like there was still a missing piece.  Then during this morning's meditation, it hit me square in the heart ... it's all well and good to forgive all those that had 'done me wrong', but bottom line, the one person that really needed forgiving was myself.  When that thought came to me, the tears started pouring and my mind swirled with a long stream of awful and not so awful things that emerged as a long list of regrets.  It does no good to forgive someone else if I haven't forgiven myself.  

So to make it official, I hereby extract that dreadful and ever so long buried thorn and shout out to the world ...

I FORGIVE MYSELF!  

I am a dynamic light filled force, heaven bent on sharing the love and light 

that radiates from my heart like a supernova. 

The tears are still flowing, but I am filled with so much joy and with so much gratitude .....

blessings - kvk

p.s.  if this resonates ... "TRUE FORGIVENESS is the master release process, a tool that opens the energy field of the 'body' and liberates destructive energies from within. Once you actually understand Forgiveness, you will never forgive anyone again. Forgiveness is not letting another off the hook for their offenses. The root meaning of Forgiveness in Aramaic is 'to cancel, untie or let loose.' It is a tool for changing a reality in the mind."  ... you might enjoy visiting this website.