juggling thimbles ...
... or how to change my view of abundance, because this morning I had one of those driving in the car minor epiphanies.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about my notions and perspectives on all sorts of things ... not surprising given the serious events that are currently in play in my life ... pondering life paths, healing versus decline, forcing versus allowing, the flow of energy versus trying to grasp water.
What struck me this morning was a lovely visual that might help with one of my biggest struggles ... that ongoing, and ever annoying, feeling of scarcity and lack. I will say that, over the last few months of working with my Modern Day Medicine Woman friend, Marilyn, I've made great progress. I've been chipping away at a host of issues and feel so much lighter. But I've got a couple of unexpected and fairly major expenses coming up and, after writing about the new 'Spirit of Abundance' Talisman, I got going again on my abundance (or lack thereof) thoughts.
In the description for the Talisman, I recounted a major breakthrough from several years ago ... my concept of abundance was like trying to hold water in my hands ... it always leaks away, always leaving, always scarcity. But then I looked up and realized I was in an ocean ... an ocean of abundance, an ocean of energy that is not meant to be held. It's meant to flow ... it was breathtaking and overwhelming and such a blessed gift of awareness. But niggling little bits remain, synaptic ruts run deep and old habits and yadda yadda yadda.
Then this morning as I was driving to the grocery store I got another visual ... the way I function in the world of dollars is kind of a 'tit for tat' approach ... if I make this much money, I can do that. If I sell this, it will pay for that. It's always a back and forth, always grasping and calculating, always plotting and trying not to worry. So my visual ... I'm still in that ocean of abundance, but my blinders are still in place. I operate with two thimbles that only hold a very little, moving tiny bits back and forth with an eye dropper ... back and forth, a fixed quantity with virtually no room for growth or expansion.
So what's this little peep to do? How do I get past my tit for tat monster rut? How do I stop juggling thimbles? What does it take to break the cycle and move beyond this myopic view and really and truly, once and for all believe and know through and through that I AM that ocean?
I don't have a bloody clue ... but now I have a new visual to nudge me along ... a wee new awareness ... thank goodness for those driving in car minor epiphanies. And maybe that nasty old synaptic rut is not quite as deep and maybe there's a chink in the edge and some of that ocean is starting to seep in ... maybe ... I sure hope so.
Setting my intention now ... onward!
with deep gratitude ...