the creeping crud of doubt

As I’ve been saying … f o r e v e r … things have been challenging. I keep seeing myself as a jumble of fragmented bits and pieces that can’t seem to find their place, trying to find a way to piece everything together into a lovely cohesive whole … all the while still feeling fragmented and scattered. It’s hugely boring to me that I keep yammering on about it and I bet it’s probably boring you as well.

How’s that for a compelling way to start a journal entry … boring people! Yeah, maybe not.

But wait! Something has interrupted my usual programming … early this morning, I drew my daily card from Tosha Silver’s Wild Offering Oracle deck … DOUBT … it was like a good solid smack to my forehead.

Doubt card by Tosha Silver via Kathy Van Kleeck.jpg

It occurred to me that all my fragmented bits and pieces were swimming in the thick and soupy, creeping crud of doubt. Now that’s a morning revelation!

I’ve been working on this all day … maybe this is actually a nicely wrapped gift from spirit … maybe hiding in a box filled with the incessant questioning of my motivations and life path, wondering WTF am I doing and does any of this make sense, with a shimmering gift wrap of lately catching myself grousing and swearing much too often, nicely tied up with the big sparkly bow on top of all the global craziness … maybe, at the very bottom of this box is a thick layer of doubt?

But after drawing this beautiful card, maybe the box has been opened and there’s spirit light shining in … maybe everything really isn’t all craziness and WTF. Maybe it’s just that creeping crud had my vision all muddled, making it hard to see. Maybe my day to day activities and projects actually make sense and are a true and genuine and all-in authentic expression of my Tending a Handmade Life path … just with a lot of extra twists and turns that have been clouded by doubt.

Spirit’s light is shining brighter and It feels like I have a better perspective, that I can kick off a bit more muck from my vision, push through the inertia and the creeping crud and turn old nasty doubt to the flip side.

But what’s the flip side of doubt? That feels like TRUST … that’s it for sure, TRUST … trust in spirit and trust this sacred process.

with deep gratitude - kvk